I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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