she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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