I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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