I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
