before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
