Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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