Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
