Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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