I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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