i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
