Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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