Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The feeling are messing with the penis
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
