Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
