I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
