tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
