She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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