The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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