Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
being pregnant is like rehab
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
