You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
