he wants to bone in the snuggie
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
