i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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