I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
