Umm I'm too high to move.
I wish my penis had an off switch
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
