im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
