Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
