bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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