Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
