dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
