Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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