I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Randomize
