Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
