what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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