Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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