My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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