hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
