i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
