You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
