guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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