I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
