Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
