I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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