i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
false alarm, still single
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
