She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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