Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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