I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
