I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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