Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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