i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
