In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Randomize
