how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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