We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
