Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
