I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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