I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
