I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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