When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
