you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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