Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
