She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
