There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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