I can't breathe out the right side of my face
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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